breakfast at 0230 AM

I arrive at 9:30 AM.  The empty cereal bowl sits on the table near the chair.  "Did you eat breakfast already today?", I ask.
"No", you say.
"You must have.   I didn't leave that there like that last night, when I left at 7:30 PM", I say.

There is no response.

"What time did you get up today?", I ask.

"I got up earlier and then went back to bed again", you tell me.

"Maybe you had breakfast the lst time you got up", I say.

********************************************************

Look back at the 24 hour camera profile.  It is apparent you went to bed around 10 PM but then got back up again at 0230 AM.  I see you eating the cereal.  You return to bed at 5 AM, and then get up the 2nd time at 0845 AM.

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The Suit

Today you put on your good pants, a sport jacket and a tie, appearing fully dressed at 3:45 AM after only 5 hours of sleep.
Last night on your own you took a shower, an amazing feat for someone usually averse to any and all personal hygiene.  In fact, just getting you to change socks, or into a different shirt has been a struggle for months.
Is it because of the Christmas party announcement, for the party you missed yesterday?
Or did you think you are going someplace else today?
Where are you hoping to go today?

It stirs in me both a deep sadness and a deep hope, to watch you wait, and to dress up for the party........waiting.

what are we all really waiting for anyway?  what are you waiting for?
More and more I believe you are waiting to leave this earth - to be again with those you have loved the most, not with me here and now.

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, and redemption of our bodies.". Romans 8: 22-23.

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I think one of those talking clocks, like they make for the blind, with announcements of the time every hour, might be a good thing for you.  Why didn't I think of this before?

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you wait all day, expecting something, looking so nice and clean in your good pants, nice shirt, and tie. What is it you were expecting today? Was it the party you missed yesterday? Was it a dream with expectations, hopes to meet a long lost friend, or perhaps to again see your wife?  12+ hours later, at 4:40 PM, you get up, and leave the room, re-emerging after 5 PM, wearing jeans.

I call en route.  "How was your day today?" I ask.
"Fine.  I am wearing jeans again." you tell me, without any further explanation.
When I arrive I find you in jeans.  
You never let on that you were dressed up all day today, seemingly waiting for something important. 
You never tell me what you were waiting for.

**************************************************************


"Do you ever get bored? ", I ask.

There is a long pause.  

"No", you answer. 

the door is open

Its 10 PM.
The room has been empty for the last hour.
Suddenly, I notice that the door is open.  Its open maybe 6 inches.
What is going on? Why is the door open?  Of course I start to worry. Did you go to get your mail and leave the door propped open like that?

Minutes later I look again and the door is open even wider.  Now I can plainly see that you have propped the step stool in the doorway, to keep it open.  You are back sitting in your chair. The TV is blaring loudly.

Its 10 PM.  The TV is too loud to have the door open at this time of night.  People will notice and complain.  We are trying to blend in, remember??

I call you, making up a story, "I think I left the door open when I left there tonight.  Can you check the door and make sure it  is locked?"

"Yes, I will", you say.  But I am watching you, and after we hang up, for a second you lean forward as if you are going to get out of the chair, but then you focus on the TV, engrossed.  Within a minute, you settle back into the chair.  Not once do you turn your head to even look at the open door.

Now what do I do?  What are you thinking??? Its after 10 PM!  I see the shadow of someone walk past the open door.  You continue to watch TV.

*************************************************************

Its a cold winter night, but not as cold as it has been recently. We put on our coats, instead of our pajamas, and we head to your place. What am I going to say?  Should I tell you there was a complaint about the door being open?  Should I tell you I forgot something?  Should I make up an eleborate story about why I am showing up after 10 PM?

No, I know that 10 PM to you is no different than 10 AM.  Keep it simple.  Get in. Get out. Shut the door.

******************************************************

"Oh -- you have the door open. What's going on? why do you have the door open?" I say.

"I forgot something", as I walk across the room and pretend to pick up the something I forgot.

"Its hot in here", you say.

"But you shouldn't have the door open.  Its late. We can hear your TV out in the hallway", I say.

"So?  I am sitting right here".

"Are you hot?  Let me let in some cooler air.  Lets turn down the heater.  Lets turn down the furnace", as I open the patio door, then turn down the knob on the space heater, and head toward the wall thermometer for the furnace.

"Who asked you?", you say.

"Ok.  Well, then I better be going.  See you. Good night", I say, as I quickly exit the room, closing the door, and locking it.

***********************************************

I barely dare to look and see if you opened it again.  Its potentially going to be a sleepless night.

many calls this morning

I call you at 7 AM.  No answer.  Sleeping in, I think.
Later, I discover you are awake at 7:40 AM.  We talk on the phone, you say you do want to go to church today.
"Then I will be there to pick you up at 8 AM", I say. "That is in 15 minutes".  "Are you going to be ready?"
"Yes", you say.
I call you en route - "I am on my way" .
But, when I arrive, you are not at the door.  I wait, and then  look in through the nanny camera.
You are still  sitting in your chair.
I call again, "I am here, are you coming?".
"yes I will be right there".  I watch you slowly get out of the chair, slowly exit the apartment, then return.  You must have forgotten something.  You go back down the hallway, re-emerge, and again leave. It takes longer than expected before I see you at the building's front door.
You slowly, so slowly, amble down the sidewalk, with your arms clasped behind your back, like we might see a child do.  No rush, no worries that we are late.

You seem more confused than usual today, but quite happy, smiling, content.



*********************************************************

"I must have had 10 calls this morning", you later tell me.
"Oh really? Who called?"
"Contractors.", you tell me.
"What kind of contractors?", I ask.
"Building contractors, looking for jobs, checking on the building".

"Is there a leak here?" you mimic.