Some answers never come

closure.

That thing we all want, especially when we are hurt, or when things don't make sense.

Sometimes we don't get closure.
Or we need to create our own closure.
Some answers never come.

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http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/its-breast-cancer.html

I ask my mother, "Why didn't you tell anyone about the breast cancer???", "how long did you know about it??"

She says, in her stuttering speech: "I don't know".  And it is clear from the new person she is , post stroke, she doesn't know why she made the poor choices she made before. She wouldn't make the same choice again,  In fact, much to my surprise, she chose to fight for her life, to try treatment, it would be  too little too late, but again her choice.

There's no point in crying over spilled milk, as they say.

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supernatural peace is the only answer that has worked for me.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives....."
John 14:27

First heart attack- spraying roundup on thistles

circa June 4, 1989

You are age 58.

You call me from the hospital in Sioux Falls.  You have been there a day or 2 already, didn't seem to see any urgency to call.

You explain what had happened:
The chest pain had been sufficiently bad that you couldn't recline.  You decided the solution was to sleep in the car (poor choice #1).  My mother joins you in the car (poor choice # 2).  Neither of you thinks to call me (poor choice # 3), your physician daughter, who could have made the diagnosis over the telephone.

Eventually you drive to a small rural hospital, 60 miles from home (poor choice # 4), presenting with chest pain. The EKG shows an anterior MI, but its 1989, and a student is covering the ED.  You are sent home.  It was the wrong thing to do.  He didn't know any better and he wasn't adequately supervised.  Plus, they don't know you in this small town, they don't have any investment in you, as they would have had you gone to your local hospital where people know and care about you.

The next day you spend the day slowly spraying thistles with Roundup (This may be significant in retrospect , 26 years later).  Its not a hard job, but its too much.

Eventually the system kicks in and the abnormal EKG is recognized and you are called back to the hospital.

First angioplasty.

I am watching Tiananmen square protests taking place on the TV in your hospital room.  I am very concerned, very upset, by the poor choices you made in getting to this point.You had at your fingertips resources that could have given a better outcome.  But you chose not to use them.

http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/your-right-to-poor-choices.html

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Does he have diabetes?

The answer was "no" at the time, but by today's criteria, he did have diabetes.

You also never bothered to followup with a cardiologist or primary care doctor, as a routine measure, following this event.

You knew better than any of us, you knew better than what the doctors advised.
Your high intake of supplements would save you.
You continue to order in bulk. The house is increasingly littered with bottles of unopened supplements, cans  of lecithin, brewers yeast, etc. The kitchen cupboards have bottles of stevia, cinnamon.

My mother changes your diet - virtually eliminating red meat.  You rely much more on what comes from the home garden.

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From then on you became much more emotional, tearing up with good byes.
Was a part of the brain lost already with that event?
Or were the tears a recognition and acknowledgment of your own mortality?

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I used to plead with you back then for proper medical care.  I pleaded with both you and Mom.  It was agonizing and frustrating.

Another part of the frustration was the way you preached to and pushed  others to participate in what YOU were taking or doing, as if you actually were in better shape or more wise  than everyone else.

http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/your-right-to-poor-choices.html

choosing insanity in a dangerous world

This is a story about someone other than my dad, someone else I know.

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Someone I know is in big trouble, in a very dangerous situation.
We can see it coming.
We can all see it coming, and we talk about it.
We discuss it amongst ourselves, as well as with the VICTIM, the person who is in big trouble. We even talk about how we have had this happen before, in our family, and how we didn't understand the refusal for help the last time.

http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/its-breast-cancer.html

In a sane world, the choice would be made to USE the resources to PREVENT the problem we can all see coming.
But, not all of us are operating in  the same/ sane world.

The warning signs have been there for a week.
You might have this one last chance to prevent catastrophe.
You agreed to the tests that were done today and we now know exactly  what the problem is.
You even request to call me and notify me, to speak with me from the hospital (as the family health care provider)
Help has been offered.  It is the kind of help that comes with a need for urgency.  An hour from now might be too late.

I say to you "Choose Life".  "Choose Life".  "Don't leave open the possibility of disability"
It is unbelievable, to the sane,  that you would turn the help down.

You say, "I want to go home now".  "I will think about it".  "Maybe tomorrow".  "I will let YOU know tomorrow"

I say ------this isn't about me. Its about you.

The risk of that choice is very high and we try to convey it to you.  But you insist, and we have no choice but to withdraw and wait to see what happens next.

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how does one escape a bad life situation?  Is the failure to accept help actually a means to another form of escape?

subtext: you are a victim of domestic violence.  These are the unseen consequences of an unstable and unsafe home life.

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Several days later.

Catastrophe is averted with medication only.  Grace has prevailed.  For now all is well.

You came to the hospital, stayed 2 days for tests, and have now again left against medical advice.

I apologetically appeal to my colleagues to be kind to you and to continue to try to deal with delivering you appropriate health care, to not be put off by the barriers you create.

Will the connection to me be what it takes, or would it have happened anyway?

(it should happen regardless of the connections, but the world in which we live doesn't always operate that way)

It is a reminder to me as well - for tolerance and continued efforts with those who make poor choices.