Too frail now to be mean

circa 10/12/11

Its over just under  2 years since  the Conservatorship started.
There are no credit cards in your name and there are multiple fraud protection alerts  to prevent credit cards being opened in your name.

I stop by your place for something or other.  In the course of our interaction I am in your office.
I notice the credit card statement on the desk.

What is this?

I have the paper in my hand.  It appears to be a Discover Card Statement.  (why wasn't I more discrete?)

You say, "Give me that paper".

I am not giving up the paper.
The situation quickly spins out of control.

I try to leave and you stand in front of the door, preventing my exit.

Yes, I could get out if I really wanted to -- I could push you aside hard, but I would never do that.
What if you fell, my 80 year old father?
I could call the police, but I am not really afraid.  I have my cell phone in my hand.

I see a space, and make a quick dash for the door.  I almost make it out, but you crush my body inside the door as you push it shut.  I yell for help, a futile effort,  into the empty hallway.   My arm and hand are bruised in the process.

I call a friend who comes within  minutes.  He has to physically hold you back so I can escape.

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Why did Discover give you a card when there was a fraud alert to prevent this?
A fraudulent charge to 5 Star Enterprises, for $221.23, another scam, to a fly by night Arizona based scam company, was made 3 days ago.  This is a purchase for NOTHING that is concrete or real, another get rich quick scam.
You can't afford this.

I end up spending months to resolve the issue, ultimately needing the help of the Attorney General of my state.

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I believe the fraudsters will assist the computer illiterate and financially incompetents to sign up for credit cards needed for illegal transactions to take place

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You are too frail now to do anything like the above vignette depicts.

However, dementia can bring out inappropriate behavior, including violence, in previously peaceful people.

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I also learned a lesson on discretion.  I don't tell you or ask you now when I find things that are off.
I just deal with them quietly.

choosing insanity in a dangerous world

This is a story about someone other than my dad, someone else I know.

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Someone I know is in big trouble, in a very dangerous situation.
We can see it coming.
We can all see it coming, and we talk about it.
We discuss it amongst ourselves, as well as with the VICTIM, the person who is in big trouble. We even talk about how we have had this happen before, in our family, and how we didn't understand the refusal for help the last time.

http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/its-breast-cancer.html

In a sane world, the choice would be made to USE the resources to PREVENT the problem we can all see coming.
But, not all of us are operating in  the same/ sane world.

The warning signs have been there for a week.
You might have this one last chance to prevent catastrophe.
You agreed to the tests that were done today and we now know exactly  what the problem is.
You even request to call me and notify me, to speak with me from the hospital (as the family health care provider)
Help has been offered.  It is the kind of help that comes with a need for urgency.  An hour from now might be too late.

I say to you "Choose Life".  "Choose Life".  "Don't leave open the possibility of disability"
It is unbelievable, to the sane,  that you would turn the help down.

You say, "I want to go home now".  "I will think about it".  "Maybe tomorrow".  "I will let YOU know tomorrow"

I say ------this isn't about me. Its about you.

The risk of that choice is very high and we try to convey it to you.  But you insist, and we have no choice but to withdraw and wait to see what happens next.

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how does one escape a bad life situation?  Is the failure to accept help actually a means to another form of escape?

subtext: you are a victim of domestic violence.  These are the unseen consequences of an unstable and unsafe home life.

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Several days later.

Catastrophe is averted with medication only.  Grace has prevailed.  For now all is well.

You came to the hospital, stayed 2 days for tests, and have now again left against medical advice.

I apologetically appeal to my colleagues to be kind to you and to continue to try to deal with delivering you appropriate health care, to not be put off by the barriers you create.

Will the connection to me be what it takes, or would it have happened anyway?

(it should happen regardless of the connections, but the world in which we live doesn't always operate that way)

It is a reminder to me as well - for tolerance and continued efforts with those who make poor choices.