I look in on the nanny cam and you aren't there.
Oh no. He has gone to bed before dinner, I think.
I call on the telephone.
No answer.
I call again.
No answer.
I drive to your place. The door is unlocked. I walk into your unit. The television is on, but you aren't there.
I look everywhere, even behind the bed, even in the closet - on the chance that perhaps you collapsed somewhere.
"Dad, Dad?! Are you here? Dad! ", I call out.
I look again at the motion detector - I see the images of you leaving at 6:15 - only 30 minutes ago.
Maybe he went to get the mail, I think, as I quickly exit the apartment, heading toward the mailbox.
But, I get there, only to find you are not there. You are not in the lobby.
I get back on the elevator and head to the 11th floor. I know there was a party there yesterday that you missed, as you insisted the party was today. Maybe you were going to the party.
But the 11th floor is quiet, the party room is dark.
I return to your apartment. You are still not there.
Where could he be, I think to myself. This has never happened before.
Once again, I decide to hit the hallways.
I go to the exit stairwell and look inside. You are not there.
I turn around and head back toward the elevators, walking slowly, AND LISTENING.
I had heard some voices inside one of the units where the TV is often playing loudly. It almost sounded like a party in there.
Again, I LISTEN.
And, there it is............the familiar sound of your voice, talking. I move toward the door - Is he in there, I think?
A woman walks by as I try to act nonchalant, knowing I am out of place, standing outside the door of this stranger.
Again, I hear your voice. Its moving closer, and you open the door. I say "Oh there you are! Do you want to come and have some dinner?" (as if it is normal to find you in the apartment of a stranger).
You say, "I couldn't get my TV channel on"
You have the television clicker in your hand. You had gone to the neighbors seeking help with the TV .
We get back to your apartment and I realize that it is channel 2 playing. This is not your channel.
************************
I can only now hope that the neighbor wasn't suspicious of the incompetence you displayed, and that he saw it as innocent enough, not worthy of reporting.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Saturday, February 21, 2015
what day did they give up?
"tomorrow is Sunday, you know," I say to you.
"Tomorrow is Sunday?", you express with surprise.
"What day did they give up?"
"Tomorrow is Sunday?", you express with surprise.
"What day did they give up?"
Saturday, February 14, 2015
birthday
.JPG)
Happy Birthday - 84 years old.
The special cake plate was your mother's. It had always been used when you were a little boy, for cake presentation. That memory still means so much today, as you have told several of us of it, repeatedly, over the years.
The special angel food cake was made by your new favorite girl - Your PCA - whose name you suddenly remembered today, as you spoke of how kind it was of her to make the cake; as if you have remembered her name all along.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/our-girl.html
"Did you know she's from Canada?", you say to me.
*************************************
I see you studying the birthday cards, each and every one, very carefully, pondering who would have sent a birthday card.
Several are from people you don't know well - and this seems to interest you the most...
-- the one from the lady on the 2nd floor (who is probably the floor representative in the senior condo
-- the one from the Condo association
**************************************
Some ladies apparently showed up at the door, to wish you happy birthday, too.
Who were they?
Presumably ladies from the building, perhaps from the floor.
*********************************
"How old am I going to be?" you used to ask me, as we anticipated this birthday.
Then, once the birthday finally came, you would say, "How old am I now?" And, when I would tell you, I could see there was a certain satisfaction, that you had made it to the mark. I could see you internally acknowledge the fact, the target. It was the kind of satisfaction, that in retrospect, now that we know you would die one month later, also said "I am satisfied with where I have gotten, and I don't need anymore".
As numbers would mean things to you, February 13, 1931 date of Birth. March 14, 2015 date of death. You would like the way those numbers played out.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
the sweater and other clothing tales
You are wearing a red sweater over your shirt today. Its a very plain burgandy red sweater, I would say it is unisex in appearance.
"She brought me this sweater and told me to put it on today", you tell me. "it was a little coolish in the room this morning".
"That's a nice sweater", I say. "you have lots of nice clothes, if you would just wear them."
(remember, this is an old retired clothing merchant we are talking to. There was a time when the dinner table conversation was about bras and suits and who is a size 16 and who is a size 12. Sadly, it is rare today to see you take any interest in clothing on yourself, or anyone else).
You smirk, "do you know what this sweater is?"
"No", I say.
"I got this sweater at the store down there" (you point out the window).
Ah yes, we went through a phase, soon after you move to the condo, where you regularly went shopping at the Goodwill shop down the street. You especially liked Senior's day, which I believe was Wednesdays, when there was small extra discount for seniors.
"It was so cheap, I had to buy it. But, I looked at the label, and did you know? Its a women's sweater".
"Oh so its a woman's sweater but you decided to wear it anyway?".
"yes" (and you are amused by this)
*******************************************
"That's' a nice coat you are wearing, really cute", you notice.
I am wearing a new Betsy Johnson walking coat - in navy blue with blossom shaped rose gold buttons and beautiful pink and blue lining.
This observation and comment is noteworthy because of where we have been, and because of the significant improvement toward your old person that the statement represents.
******************************************
"We ran into to the lady down the hall today", you tell me. "She is a former stewardess you know and she has quite a wardrobe. She was wearing an A line dress"
An A line dress. Yes, that is the old merchant talking again.
***********************
All attributed to improvements in your mental state, attributed to "our girl", your new PCA
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/our-girl.html
"She brought me this sweater and told me to put it on today", you tell me. "it was a little coolish in the room this morning".
"That's a nice sweater", I say. "you have lots of nice clothes, if you would just wear them."
(remember, this is an old retired clothing merchant we are talking to. There was a time when the dinner table conversation was about bras and suits and who is a size 16 and who is a size 12. Sadly, it is rare today to see you take any interest in clothing on yourself, or anyone else).
You smirk, "do you know what this sweater is?"
"No", I say.
"I got this sweater at the store down there" (you point out the window).
Ah yes, we went through a phase, soon after you move to the condo, where you regularly went shopping at the Goodwill shop down the street. You especially liked Senior's day, which I believe was Wednesdays, when there was small extra discount for seniors.
"It was so cheap, I had to buy it. But, I looked at the label, and did you know? Its a women's sweater".
"Oh so its a woman's sweater but you decided to wear it anyway?".
"yes" (and you are amused by this)
*******************************************
"That's' a nice coat you are wearing, really cute", you notice.
I am wearing a new Betsy Johnson walking coat - in navy blue with blossom shaped rose gold buttons and beautiful pink and blue lining.
This observation and comment is noteworthy because of where we have been, and because of the significant improvement toward your old person that the statement represents.
******************************************
"We ran into to the lady down the hall today", you tell me. "She is a former stewardess you know and she has quite a wardrobe. She was wearing an A line dress"
An A line dress. Yes, that is the old merchant talking again.
***********************
All attributed to improvements in your mental state, attributed to "our girl", your new PCA
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/our-girl.html
channel 43
Channel 43 is your favorite TV channel.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-golden-girls.html
On the table next to your chair, there is a taped piece of paper with large letters "43", just in case you forget which station you like.
Today when I arrive, the room is quiet. The TV is not on. You have been reading.
Now you realize that usually when I am there, Family Feud is on the TV. We have come to enjoy watching Family Feud together. Even I, who typically would never watch a game show, can now easily spend 10-15 minutes watching Family Feud.
"Turn the TV on - channel 63 ", you tell me.
I am standing with the clicker, trying to get the system to obey.
I press 4 and then 3. Up pops channel 33.
"yes, channel 33", you say.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-golden-girls.html
On the table next to your chair, there is a taped piece of paper with large letters "43", just in case you forget which station you like.
Today when I arrive, the room is quiet. The TV is not on. You have been reading.
Now you realize that usually when I am there, Family Feud is on the TV. We have come to enjoy watching Family Feud together. Even I, who typically would never watch a game show, can now easily spend 10-15 minutes watching Family Feud.
"Turn the TV on - channel 63 ", you tell me.
I am standing with the clicker, trying to get the system to obey.
I press 4 and then 3. Up pops channel 33.
"yes, channel 33", you say.
our girl
You call her "our girl".
She is your Personal Care Assistant/ Chef/ Nurse/Physical therapist/ Friend/ housekeeper/chauffeur/ The grand-daughter you never had.
Her presence has recently turned your life around.
You are cleaner. You are happier. You seem more relaxed. You are nicer.
Every day you tell me how much you like her.
**********************************
we have had this same conversation many times:
"What is her name again?", you ask me.
"Sherrey", I say.
"What?"
"Sherrey", I say again.
"Sherrey?", you ask.
"Yes, Sherrey."
"how do you spell that?"
"S- H - E- R- R- E -Y".
"Sherrey? Why can't I remember that?", you ask.
"We could write it down so you just have to look at it to remember it", I offer.
"Help me think of something else to remember it", you say.
"Sherrey Berry", I offer. "Sherry, like the wine", I try again.
"do you know where she is from?", you ask.
I tell you where she is from.
"Ok. Yes, I was just checking if you knew."
************************************
"We go for our walk, and it always seems to end with picking up the mail", you tell me.
"She has a thing for my mail", you muse, "but today there wasn't hardly anything".
You are lucky, I say. All I get is mostly junk mail.
Little do you know, Sherrey is acting on my instructions to help keep you out of trouble in the building. I have also put your name, address and phone number on every possible do not call, do not solicit list there is, and more than once. I also do whatever I can to take revenge on the junk mail solicitors.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/09/stop-junk-mail-and-how-to-get-revenge.html
We are trying to blend in, not stir up controversy, because you want to stay here, remember???
****************************
She is your Personal Care Assistant/ Chef/ Nurse/Physical therapist/ Friend/ housekeeper/chauffeur/ The grand-daughter you never had.
Her presence has recently turned your life around.
You are cleaner. You are happier. You seem more relaxed. You are nicer.
Every day you tell me how much you like her.
**********************************
we have had this same conversation many times:
"What is her name again?", you ask me.
"Sherrey", I say.
"What?"
"Sherrey", I say again.
"Sherrey?", you ask.
"Yes, Sherrey."
"how do you spell that?"
"S- H - E- R- R- E -Y".
"Sherrey? Why can't I remember that?", you ask.
"We could write it down so you just have to look at it to remember it", I offer.
"Help me think of something else to remember it", you say.
"Sherrey Berry", I offer. "Sherry, like the wine", I try again.
"do you know where she is from?", you ask.
I tell you where she is from.
"Ok. Yes, I was just checking if you knew."
************************************
"We go for our walk, and it always seems to end with picking up the mail", you tell me.
"She has a thing for my mail", you muse, "but today there wasn't hardly anything".
You are lucky, I say. All I get is mostly junk mail.
Little do you know, Sherrey is acting on my instructions to help keep you out of trouble in the building. I have also put your name, address and phone number on every possible do not call, do not solicit list there is, and more than once. I also do whatever I can to take revenge on the junk mail solicitors.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/09/stop-junk-mail-and-how-to-get-revenge.html
We are trying to blend in, not stir up controversy, because you want to stay here, remember???
****************************
Your right to poor choices
It is still generally believed that you have a right to make poor choices for yourself, as long as you are competent to make those poor choices.
********************************************
I eventually came to peace with the poor medical choices made by my parents. I have held the belief of health care autonomy for competent individuals, the right to make poor choices.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/first-heart-attack-spraying-roundup-on.html
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/its-breast-cancer.html
And, I remain fairly comfortable with that still today.
But do not be mistaken about your poor choices being a victim-less crime unless you live in total isolation of all people.
At the least, the people who love you will be the victims.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/we-are-all-vulnerable.html
At the most, the whole world will be the victims.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/10/pseudoscience-scam-and-ebola-outbreak.html
****************************************
I didn't realize I was so passionate about vaccinations until I unfriended someone on Facebook last summer, because of all of their anti-vaccination posts.
I can no longer defend your right to all personal poor choices.
**********************************
As we transition into dementia, do we retain our right to make poor choices?
In American society, families can have a great deal of influence to deal with these situations, but as my story illustrates, families can't always prevent disaster. Social services are limited in what they can actually achieve. The courts are the last resort.
and who makes the ultimate determination of where the competence begins or ends, and where our right to poor choices ends? It has to be very extreme to merit extra-familial formal intervention.
********************************************
I eventually came to peace with the poor medical choices made by my parents. I have held the belief of health care autonomy for competent individuals, the right to make poor choices.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/first-heart-attack-spraying-roundup-on.html
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/its-breast-cancer.html
And, I remain fairly comfortable with that still today.
But do not be mistaken about your poor choices being a victim-less crime unless you live in total isolation of all people.
At the least, the people who love you will be the victims.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/we-are-all-vulnerable.html
At the most, the whole world will be the victims.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/10/pseudoscience-scam-and-ebola-outbreak.html
****************************************
I didn't realize I was so passionate about vaccinations until I unfriended someone on Facebook last summer, because of all of their anti-vaccination posts.
I can no longer defend your right to all personal poor choices.
**********************************
As we transition into dementia, do we retain our right to make poor choices?
In American society, families can have a great deal of influence to deal with these situations, but as my story illustrates, families can't always prevent disaster. Social services are limited in what they can actually achieve. The courts are the last resort.
and who makes the ultimate determination of where the competence begins or ends, and where our right to poor choices ends? It has to be very extreme to merit extra-familial formal intervention.
We are all vulnerable
I started this blog, focusing on the story of my dad, the vulnerable character.
But, as I write, I keep discovering other vulnerable characters.
I have known so many vulnerable characters.
I am also a vulnerable character.
And I realize that we are all vulnerable, to something, sometime.
***********************************************
By the very nature of caring about a vulnerable character, we must open ourselves up enough to be vulnerable, to potential emotional expense of the interaction.
***********************************
The expense of caring for some vulnerable characters is much higher than caring for others.
For example:
You (ie not dad, but someone else) are in a longstanding domestic violence situation and we all know it, but we are powerless to fix it. You refuse help (or you are afraid to get help, afraid of consequences, afraid of loss of "love" from the abuser). We know you won't tell the truth to the police if we were to report for you. And, getting help might make it even more dangerous for you.
We watch helplessly, from afar, as the situation unwinds .
On another day, its a health matter, for which you refuse appropriate care, which could have grave consequences of death or disability.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/01/choosing-insanity-in-dangerous-world.html
Both are upsetting.
Still, I would rather see you die of a medical condition, due to poor choices, than murder.
But, as I write, I keep discovering other vulnerable characters.
I have known so many vulnerable characters.
I am also a vulnerable character.
And I realize that we are all vulnerable, to something, sometime.
***********************************************
By the very nature of caring about a vulnerable character, we must open ourselves up enough to be vulnerable, to potential emotional expense of the interaction.
***********************************
The expense of caring for some vulnerable characters is much higher than caring for others.
For example:
You (ie not dad, but someone else) are in a longstanding domestic violence situation and we all know it, but we are powerless to fix it. You refuse help (or you are afraid to get help, afraid of consequences, afraid of loss of "love" from the abuser). We know you won't tell the truth to the police if we were to report for you. And, getting help might make it even more dangerous for you.
We watch helplessly, from afar, as the situation unwinds .
On another day, its a health matter, for which you refuse appropriate care, which could have grave consequences of death or disability.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/01/choosing-insanity-in-dangerous-world.html
Both are upsetting.
Still, I would rather see you die of a medical condition, due to poor choices, than murder.
Big fish
I own only 3 or 4 movie DVDs.
One of them is the movie "Big Fish".
there is so much in that movie that reminds me of our story.
You, my father, are the storyteller as seen in the movie Big Fish. Your stories, perhaps, weren't quite as fantastical, nor the characters, quite as colorful, but there was still a similarity. This was present as long as I knew you.
And my reaction was always to partly believe, and to partly not believe it all.
It was never so obviously not true that I knew I couldn't trust you.
***********************************************
Well, that isn't completely true. I did figure out, in 1993, that you were not a good source for financial advice. I stopped asking for your financial advice after I quickly lost $13,000.
Also, today I am reminded of the day you took me and my husband to the safe, and told us the secret combination, and that there was so much money in there I would never have to work. I believed you. You were my dad. I still went on to get an education and work. But what if I had relied on that information? Was it a delusion or a lie then? Or did you lose it all to scams?
********************************************
The poignancy of the Big Fish movie, for me, was the funeral, when all the fantastical bigger than life characters turned out to be real.
It wasn't all a fantasy, or a lie.
**********************************
We have pictures of those colorful characters from my early life. It was true then, too.
Is this what made it seem feasible to you, that the scam scenarios in 2009 and 2010 were true?
****************************************
Was the dementia present already in 1993 when you gave me bad financial advice? or a few years earlier when you took me to the safe?
Were you a normal person who went on to insidiously develop fronto temporal dementia?
Or, did you actually have manic depression, or some other untreated psychiatric condition, earlier in life, which made it all the harder for us to notice or to deal with the transition?
************************
One of them is the movie "Big Fish".
there is so much in that movie that reminds me of our story.
You, my father, are the storyteller as seen in the movie Big Fish. Your stories, perhaps, weren't quite as fantastical, nor the characters, quite as colorful, but there was still a similarity. This was present as long as I knew you.
And my reaction was always to partly believe, and to partly not believe it all.
It was never so obviously not true that I knew I couldn't trust you.
***********************************************
Well, that isn't completely true. I did figure out, in 1993, that you were not a good source for financial advice. I stopped asking for your financial advice after I quickly lost $13,000.
Also, today I am reminded of the day you took me and my husband to the safe, and told us the secret combination, and that there was so much money in there I would never have to work. I believed you. You were my dad. I still went on to get an education and work. But what if I had relied on that information? Was it a delusion or a lie then? Or did you lose it all to scams?
********************************************
The poignancy of the Big Fish movie, for me, was the funeral, when all the fantastical bigger than life characters turned out to be real.
It wasn't all a fantasy, or a lie.
**********************************
We have pictures of those colorful characters from my early life. It was true then, too.
Is this what made it seem feasible to you, that the scam scenarios in 2009 and 2010 were true?
****************************************
Was the dementia present already in 1993 when you gave me bad financial advice? or a few years earlier when you took me to the safe?
Were you a normal person who went on to insidiously develop fronto temporal dementia?
Or, did you actually have manic depression, or some other untreated psychiatric condition, earlier in life, which made it all the harder for us to notice or to deal with the transition?
************************
Some answers never come
closure.
That thing we all want, especially when we are hurt, or when things don't make sense.
Sometimes we don't get closure.
Or we need to create our own closure.
Some answers never come.
***********************************************
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/its-breast-cancer.html
I ask my mother, "Why didn't you tell anyone about the breast cancer???", "how long did you know about it??"
She says, in her stuttering speech: "I don't know". And it is clear from the new person she is , post stroke, she doesn't know why she made the poor choices she made before. She wouldn't make the same choice again, In fact, much to my surprise, she chose to fight for her life, to try treatment, it would be too little too late, but again her choice.
There's no point in crying over spilled milk, as they say.
**************************************
supernatural peace is the only answer that has worked for me.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives....."
John 14:27
That thing we all want, especially when we are hurt, or when things don't make sense.
Sometimes we don't get closure.
Or we need to create our own closure.
Some answers never come.
***********************************************
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/its-breast-cancer.html
I ask my mother, "Why didn't you tell anyone about the breast cancer???", "how long did you know about it??"
She says, in her stuttering speech: "I don't know". And it is clear from the new person she is , post stroke, she doesn't know why she made the poor choices she made before. She wouldn't make the same choice again, In fact, much to my surprise, she chose to fight for her life, to try treatment, it would be too little too late, but again her choice.
There's no point in crying over spilled milk, as they say.
**************************************
supernatural peace is the only answer that has worked for me.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives....."
John 14:27
The day I lost it
circa late March, 2001
We are bringing mom home from the hospital today. She has been there for 2+ months, related to the treatments needed for the breast cancer and the stroke. She has had toilet mastectomy, plastic surgery skin grafts, radiation therapy, physical therapy. She is in a wheelchair, but also has a 4 point cane, and she can walk a bit, but still needs someone to stand by. She has regained a stuttering speech that we are so thankful for - and we continue to work on.
You have stayed at her side continuously throughout the process as I have flown in and out of another world, to be with you.
During this entire time I had no clue of how impaired you already were or of what would follow.
******************************************
We arrive home and I set about setting up the home. I ask you to get the medications we had filled at the pharmacy. You disappear into the back of the house for longer than necessary.
When you return with the medication, it is apparent that something isn't right.
The tablets don't look like normal pills I am accustomed to seeing. Instead, they look like clear plastic capsules with grassy like powders inside.
*********************************************
You had decided, on your own, that you weren't going to give her the medication that had been prescribed by the doctors. Instead, the grassy substances were various supplements that you had extracted from the huge stock of bottles located around the house.
Did you forget that I have spent my life studying medicine and science? That I am an actual expert in the room?
*********************************************
I put my hands on each of your shoulders, standing over you as you sat in the chair, looking at me without concern, and I SHOOK the shoulders with the emphasis of my words:
"You are a F_ _ _ _ UP!!!" I repeatedly exclaimed, in horror.
I liked to tell people afterwards, it was the day I kicked your ass, that I shouldn't have waited so long to have kicked your ass. But, I didn't really kick your ass. It was a tragic realization.
***************************
My vulnerable mother is not safe with my father as caregiver.
No. 2015 Translation: My vulnerable mother is not safe with my vulnerable father as caregiver.
What would it have taken for me to have actually gotten control of that situation in 2001? I don't think it would have been possible to have done any more than I did, short of moving in with them.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/11/what-you-should-do-if-this-happens-to.html
*****************
You didn't seem very concerned by my reaction, or the tears, making me cry, making mom cry.
You are, however, alarmed that I said the F word.
You also aren't appropriately alarmed when social services show up over the next months, following my report of Mom as a vulnerable adult.
**********************************
Was this already part of the dementia, but I attributed it only to poor choices? ?
Yes, I would say that more than anything, the lack of empathy or the loss of social boundary, permitting you to not be concerned by the need for oversight by a Social Service agency, in order to maintain basic proper medication management of the person YOU are caring for, is a manifestation of the dementia in progress. A normal person, even if they had made a judgment error, would be called into check, would self correct, and also be embarrassed by this requirement; but you weren't.
**************************
the timeline on the story noted above isn't quite 100% factual. The part about the meds on day 1 arrival at home is true. But the part about me losing it actually was a week or 2 later, but related to a similar issue, as I recall.
We are bringing mom home from the hospital today. She has been there for 2+ months, related to the treatments needed for the breast cancer and the stroke. She has had toilet mastectomy, plastic surgery skin grafts, radiation therapy, physical therapy. She is in a wheelchair, but also has a 4 point cane, and she can walk a bit, but still needs someone to stand by. She has regained a stuttering speech that we are so thankful for - and we continue to work on.
You have stayed at her side continuously throughout the process as I have flown in and out of another world, to be with you.
During this entire time I had no clue of how impaired you already were or of what would follow.
******************************************
We arrive home and I set about setting up the home. I ask you to get the medications we had filled at the pharmacy. You disappear into the back of the house for longer than necessary.
When you return with the medication, it is apparent that something isn't right.
The tablets don't look like normal pills I am accustomed to seeing. Instead, they look like clear plastic capsules with grassy like powders inside.
*********************************************
You had decided, on your own, that you weren't going to give her the medication that had been prescribed by the doctors. Instead, the grassy substances were various supplements that you had extracted from the huge stock of bottles located around the house.
Did you forget that I have spent my life studying medicine and science? That I am an actual expert in the room?
*********************************************
I put my hands on each of your shoulders, standing over you as you sat in the chair, looking at me without concern, and I SHOOK the shoulders with the emphasis of my words:
"You are a F_ _ _ _ UP!!!" I repeatedly exclaimed, in horror.
I liked to tell people afterwards, it was the day I kicked your ass, that I shouldn't have waited so long to have kicked your ass. But, I didn't really kick your ass. It was a tragic realization.
***************************
My vulnerable mother is not safe with my father as caregiver.
No. 2015 Translation: My vulnerable mother is not safe with my vulnerable father as caregiver.
What would it have taken for me to have actually gotten control of that situation in 2001? I don't think it would have been possible to have done any more than I did, short of moving in with them.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/11/what-you-should-do-if-this-happens-to.html
*****************
You didn't seem very concerned by my reaction, or the tears, making me cry, making mom cry.
You are, however, alarmed that I said the F word.
You also aren't appropriately alarmed when social services show up over the next months, following my report of Mom as a vulnerable adult.
**********************************
Was this already part of the dementia, but I attributed it only to poor choices? ?
Yes, I would say that more than anything, the lack of empathy or the loss of social boundary, permitting you to not be concerned by the need for oversight by a Social Service agency, in order to maintain basic proper medication management of the person YOU are caring for, is a manifestation of the dementia in progress. A normal person, even if they had made a judgment error, would be called into check, would self correct, and also be embarrassed by this requirement; but you weren't.
**************************
the timeline on the story noted above isn't quite 100% factual. The part about the meds on day 1 arrival at home is true. But the part about me losing it actually was a week or 2 later, but related to a similar issue, as I recall.
First heart attack- spraying roundup on thistles
circa June 4, 1989
You are age 58.
You call me from the hospital in Sioux Falls. You have been there a day or 2 already, didn't seem to see any urgency to call.
You explain what had happened:
The chest pain had been sufficiently bad that you couldn't recline. You decided the solution was to sleep in the car (poor choice #1). My mother joins you in the car (poor choice # 2). Neither of you thinks to call me (poor choice # 3), your physician daughter, who could have made the diagnosis over the telephone.
Eventually you drive to a small rural hospital, 60 miles from home (poor choice # 4), presenting with chest pain. The EKG shows an anterior MI, but its 1989, and a student is covering the ED. You are sent home. It was the wrong thing to do. He didn't know any better and he wasn't adequately supervised. Plus, they don't know you in this small town, they don't have any investment in you, as they would have had you gone to your local hospital where people know and care about you.
The next day you spend the day slowly spraying thistles with Roundup (This may be significant in retrospect , 26 years later). Its not a hard job, but its too much.
Eventually the system kicks in and the abnormal EKG is recognized and you are called back to the hospital.
First angioplasty.
I am watching Tiananmen square protests taking place on the TV in your hospital room. I am very concerned, very upset, by the poor choices you made in getting to this point.You had at your fingertips resources that could have given a better outcome. But you chose not to use them.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/your-right-to-poor-choices.html
*****************************
Does he have diabetes?
The answer was "no" at the time, but by today's criteria, he did have diabetes.
You also never bothered to followup with a cardiologist or primary care doctor, as a routine measure, following this event.
You knew better than any of us, you knew better than what the doctors advised.
Your high intake of supplements would save you.
You continue to order in bulk. The house is increasingly littered with bottles of unopened supplements, cans of lecithin, brewers yeast, etc. The kitchen cupboards have bottles of stevia, cinnamon.
My mother changes your diet - virtually eliminating red meat. You rely much more on what comes from the home garden.
**********************************************
From then on you became much more emotional, tearing up with good byes.
Was a part of the brain lost already with that event?
Or were the tears a recognition and acknowledgment of your own mortality?
*********************************************
I used to plead with you back then for proper medical care. I pleaded with both you and Mom. It was agonizing and frustrating.
Another part of the frustration was the way you preached to and pushed others to participate in what YOU were taking or doing, as if you actually were in better shape or more wise than everyone else.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/your-right-to-poor-choices.html
You are age 58.
You call me from the hospital in Sioux Falls. You have been there a day or 2 already, didn't seem to see any urgency to call.
You explain what had happened:
The chest pain had been sufficiently bad that you couldn't recline. You decided the solution was to sleep in the car (poor choice #1). My mother joins you in the car (poor choice # 2). Neither of you thinks to call me (poor choice # 3), your physician daughter, who could have made the diagnosis over the telephone.
Eventually you drive to a small rural hospital, 60 miles from home (poor choice # 4), presenting with chest pain. The EKG shows an anterior MI, but its 1989, and a student is covering the ED. You are sent home. It was the wrong thing to do. He didn't know any better and he wasn't adequately supervised. Plus, they don't know you in this small town, they don't have any investment in you, as they would have had you gone to your local hospital where people know and care about you.
The next day you spend the day slowly spraying thistles with Roundup (This may be significant in retrospect , 26 years later). Its not a hard job, but its too much.
Eventually the system kicks in and the abnormal EKG is recognized and you are called back to the hospital.
First angioplasty.
I am watching Tiananmen square protests taking place on the TV in your hospital room. I am very concerned, very upset, by the poor choices you made in getting to this point.You had at your fingertips resources that could have given a better outcome. But you chose not to use them.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/your-right-to-poor-choices.html
*****************************
Does he have diabetes?
The answer was "no" at the time, but by today's criteria, he did have diabetes.
You also never bothered to followup with a cardiologist or primary care doctor, as a routine measure, following this event.
You knew better than any of us, you knew better than what the doctors advised.
Your high intake of supplements would save you.
You continue to order in bulk. The house is increasingly littered with bottles of unopened supplements, cans of lecithin, brewers yeast, etc. The kitchen cupboards have bottles of stevia, cinnamon.
My mother changes your diet - virtually eliminating red meat. You rely much more on what comes from the home garden.
**********************************************
From then on you became much more emotional, tearing up with good byes.
Was a part of the brain lost already with that event?
Or were the tears a recognition and acknowledgment of your own mortality?
*********************************************
I used to plead with you back then for proper medical care. I pleaded with both you and Mom. It was agonizing and frustrating.
Another part of the frustration was the way you preached to and pushed others to participate in what YOU were taking or doing, as if you actually were in better shape or more wise than everyone else.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/your-right-to-poor-choices.html
vegetables
Its the late 1990s - I live in another world.
You don't call me and I don't call you, except on special occasions, like birthdays, holidays. Why? Its nothing personal, we just never had that style. You were never nurturing, or the types to reach out.
Also, it seems you only want to talk about vegetables. There is no personal substance to any of it anymore. Just more commentary on vegetables.
Its not right. I can see something isn't quite right.
***************************************************
"Mom, what's wrong with dad?", I say.
******************************************************
"Dad, what's wrong with mom?"
*****************************************************
Neither of you has an answer. Just more superficial talk about vegetables.
******************************************
Is it possible that the Roundup, or other farm exposures, hurt both of your brains and other body parts?
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/first-heart-attack-spraying-roundup-on.html
You don't call me and I don't call you, except on special occasions, like birthdays, holidays. Why? Its nothing personal, we just never had that style. You were never nurturing, or the types to reach out.
Also, it seems you only want to talk about vegetables. There is no personal substance to any of it anymore. Just more commentary on vegetables.
Its not right. I can see something isn't quite right.
***************************************************
"Mom, what's wrong with dad?", I say.
******************************************************
"Dad, what's wrong with mom?"
*****************************************************
Neither of you has an answer. Just more superficial talk about vegetables.
******************************************
Is it possible that the Roundup, or other farm exposures, hurt both of your brains and other body parts?
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/first-heart-attack-spraying-roundup-on.html
its breast cancer
January 18, 2001.
The phone rings. Its you calling me from the hospital in Sioux Falls. Mom was admitted to the hospital last night. Before you had the chance to say anything more, I said to you, "She has breast cancer, doesn't she?". Yes, you say, with clear emotion.
While sitting at dinner the night before, Mom had suddenly requested that you take her to the hospital, not the local hospital, but the tertiary care center 90 miles away. You could barely understand her speech. Something was wrong with it. She couldn't get the words our right. En route, she confessed she had a "lump" in her breast. She had also experienced an episode of loss of speech 6 months earlier and earlier the same day.
**************************************************************
it was a lot more than just breast cancer.
************************************************************
I arrive after an emergency flight to Sioux Falls. She is lying in the bed, small, not speaking.
What is that smell?
The doctor comes in to look at the biopsy site - we meet for the first time. He lifts the gown and I can't believe what I see:
It was a neglected breast cancer that had eaten the breast off the surface of the chest, leaving stinky poopy smelling hole.
It had already spread to the bone.
The illness had caused such a profound anemia that she had a stroke, losing speech and the use of the right side of the body.
***********************************************
you start to speak of fighting the cancer and of hope which seems totally out of place to me based on what I see.
It will be a miracle if she lives 3 months. We need to help her move on with reality now, not try to hold her back.
***************************************
how many years did it take for this thing to develop like this?
Why has this been hidden?
Why didn't you notice it?
Why didn't you tell me?
*************************************
The doctor expresses his sympathy to me, doctor to doctor.
He knows what I know, and how this would make me feel.
**************************
I internally recall that I always somehow intuitively knew it would come to this for her. The first time I ever saw such a site during my medical training, I thought to myself, "that is something my own mother would let happen" .
The phone rings. Its you calling me from the hospital in Sioux Falls. Mom was admitted to the hospital last night. Before you had the chance to say anything more, I said to you, "She has breast cancer, doesn't she?". Yes, you say, with clear emotion.
While sitting at dinner the night before, Mom had suddenly requested that you take her to the hospital, not the local hospital, but the tertiary care center 90 miles away. You could barely understand her speech. Something was wrong with it. She couldn't get the words our right. En route, she confessed she had a "lump" in her breast. She had also experienced an episode of loss of speech 6 months earlier and earlier the same day.
**************************************************************
it was a lot more than just breast cancer.
************************************************************
I arrive after an emergency flight to Sioux Falls. She is lying in the bed, small, not speaking.
What is that smell?
The doctor comes in to look at the biopsy site - we meet for the first time. He lifts the gown and I can't believe what I see:
It was a neglected breast cancer that had eaten the breast off the surface of the chest, leaving stinky poopy smelling hole.
It had already spread to the bone.
The illness had caused such a profound anemia that she had a stroke, losing speech and the use of the right side of the body.
***********************************************
you start to speak of fighting the cancer and of hope which seems totally out of place to me based on what I see.
It will be a miracle if she lives 3 months. We need to help her move on with reality now, not try to hold her back.
***************************************
how many years did it take for this thing to develop like this?
Why has this been hidden?
Why didn't you notice it?
Why didn't you tell me?
*************************************
The doctor expresses his sympathy to me, doctor to doctor.
He knows what I know, and how this would make me feel.
**************************
I internally recall that I always somehow intuitively knew it would come to this for her. The first time I ever saw such a site during my medical training, I thought to myself, "that is something my own mother would let happen" .
FTD and PPA-- it ain't AD
I have a phone conversation, or maybe it was an email, with an old college friend. We haven't had close contact over the years, but the mutual trust and friendship have never wavered.
By coincidence, and my great fortune, she is a dementia related health advocate expert, based in another state.
I tell her about what has been going on with my dad, and she says, "Does he have FTD or PPA?"
I have never heard of FTD or PPA!
I google it -
FrontoTemporal Dementia
Primary Progressive Aphasia
I read the descriptions, and I am sure FTD is what he has.
Its not Alzheimer's disease (AD), which has a different set of presenting manifestations and a speedier decline. It might be misdiagnosed as psychiatric disease.
The course of this disease has been so insidious and so slow, we didn't see it coming, and yet we were suffering with the consequences of it for at least 9 years prior to the sentinel event of 12/23/09.
caregiver negligence as a sign of dementia
9/24/03
Your wheel chair bound, aphasic wife sits alone in the house, watching TV, as she has done every day, since the stroke in early 2001.
But its getting dark outside, and you haven't been back to the house in many hours.
There has been no dinner for either of you.
There has been no opportunity for a trip to the bathroom for her.
One week ago, while visiting her oncologist, you became confused and were noted to have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar).
She is worried about you. Its 8 PM, its dark outside, and you should be back in the house by now.
She calls 911. I can just hear her stuttering speech as she would try to reach out for help.
The paramedics find you mowing the ditch in the dark.
You can't understand why anyone would be concerned, but you return to the house.
***********************************************
15 minutes later when I call back I find out that you are on the other phone line in the back of the house, talking to a mystery man (another one of your get rich quick associates, I am sure).
When I confront you on who you are talking to, you say "Is this an inquisition?" and you hang up on me.
**********************************
Your wheel chair bound, aphasic wife sits alone in the house, watching TV, as she has done every day, since the stroke in early 2001.
But its getting dark outside, and you haven't been back to the house in many hours.
There has been no dinner for either of you.
There has been no opportunity for a trip to the bathroom for her.
One week ago, while visiting her oncologist, you became confused and were noted to have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar).
She is worried about you. Its 8 PM, its dark outside, and you should be back in the house by now.
She calls 911. I can just hear her stuttering speech as she would try to reach out for help.
The paramedics find you mowing the ditch in the dark.
You can't understand why anyone would be concerned, but you return to the house.
***********************************************
15 minutes later when I call back I find out that you are on the other phone line in the back of the house, talking to a mystery man (another one of your get rich quick associates, I am sure).
When I confront you on who you are talking to, you say "Is this an inquisition?" and you hang up on me.
**********************************
The very first notice of dementia
I was suddenly remembering what I thought was the very first notice we had of your need for assisted living. I was looking through my notes trying to find the record with the first recommendation. I think it was 2003, and it followed a hospitalization for encephalopathy related to untreated diabetes.
However, instead, I found other notes that I had written in 2003, which reminded me of other pieces of evidence, long forgotten, but now linking together the trail we have been winding over the years:
failed payments on utilities, resulting in late fees and threats to turn off electricity
lost insurance due to failure to pay ; this followed by decision to cancel insurance (a poor choice)
speeding ticket
running out of gas (frequently)
trading options on the stock market ; trading currency (could there possibly be a more fiscally dangerous hobby for a dementing person?)
suboptimal care of your physically ill and vulnerable wife (for whom you were primary caregiver at the request of both parties)
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/its-breast-cancer.html
Medication mismanagement
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-day-i-lost-it.html
excessive purchase/ use of over the counter food supplements
lies about large financial purchase/ losses on the one hand, while nit picking over a penny saved on food, gas, phone service
failure to file income tax
**************************************************************
At the time of the very first recommendation that you should have assisted living, YOU were functioning as a care -giver for your wife, who was wheelchair bound from a stroke, and suffering from cancer.
***********************************************
2003.
It was clearly coming in 2003.
Actually, I am sure it was clearly coming in 2001, and I don't know what I don't know from before 2001, because I lived in another world, and I didn't take care of you then like I take care of you now.
And you didn't call me and tell me things.
******************************
Back then I called it magical thinking
However, instead, I found other notes that I had written in 2003, which reminded me of other pieces of evidence, long forgotten, but now linking together the trail we have been winding over the years:
failed payments on utilities, resulting in late fees and threats to turn off electricity
lost insurance due to failure to pay ; this followed by decision to cancel insurance (a poor choice)
speeding ticket
running out of gas (frequently)
trading options on the stock market ; trading currency (could there possibly be a more fiscally dangerous hobby for a dementing person?)
suboptimal care of your physically ill and vulnerable wife (for whom you were primary caregiver at the request of both parties)
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/its-breast-cancer.html
Medication mismanagement
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-day-i-lost-it.html
excessive purchase/ use of over the counter food supplements
lies about large financial purchase/ losses on the one hand, while nit picking over a penny saved on food, gas, phone service
failure to file income tax
**************************************************************
At the time of the very first recommendation that you should have assisted living, YOU were functioning as a care -giver for your wife, who was wheelchair bound from a stroke, and suffering from cancer.
***********************************************
2003.
It was clearly coming in 2003.
Actually, I am sure it was clearly coming in 2001, and I don't know what I don't know from before 2001, because I lived in another world, and I didn't take care of you then like I take care of you now.
And you didn't call me and tell me things.
******************************
Back then I called it magical thinking
why can't I use the microwave
"why can't I use the microwave?" you ask me.
"You need to show me how to use the microwave".
We have done this since the fire.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-room-smells-like-smoke.html
What you mean is that you can't seem to make it run. You place your coffee cup inside, but when you go to press the buttons to run it, you can't make it run.
"You need to show me how to use the microwave".
****************************************
I give you a quick lesson on how to warm up a cup of coffee. I place the cup in the microwave.
I set the time on 45 seconds. I press start.
This is all you need to do.
I actually don't believe you are able to choose the time anymore. If we had a microwave that said "reheat coffee", and all you had to do was press that button , and start, it might work, but to have to enter a time, 45 seconds or even one minute, is probably beyond your current skill set.
******************************************************
an interesting part of your dementia process has been the significant impact it has had on doing things mechanically with the hands or body. This has resulted in significant problems in specific areas of daily living
- turning the TV on and off using a remote control clicker device
- changing the TV channel
- using the telephone (especially if not the old fashioned rotary style)
- using alarm clocks
-using electric razor
Looking back, I remember how you used to get very angry with me when you were living alone on the prairie, and you had difficulties using your computer. That was the beginning of the end. You don't even try to use the computer now (which is a appropriate).
Looking back, I remember how you used to get very angry with me when you were living alone on the prairie, and you had difficulties using your computer. That was the beginning of the end. You don't even try to use the computer now (which is a appropriate).
**********************************************************
I don't tell you that we had turned the electricity off to the microwave when we leave you alone.
Its interesting how you never notice at all, as each time I come and go, I am flipping the switch for the microwave on the fuse box. I am only 6 feet away from you doing this, every day, and you never notice.
We have done this since the fire.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-room-smells-like-smoke.html
Friday, February 6, 2015
empathy restored?
What a surprise yesterday when you called (which included dialing the phone all by yourself) to see how I was feeling, after I had been out sick for 4 days.
You are turning into a nice old man.
To God be the Glory.
The loss of empathy had been so apparent in the last 5+ years, I didn't expect to ever see it again. During that time, if I got sick, or if something bad happened to me, it didn't faze you. You offered no condolences, didn't follow up, didn't give back anything.
********************************************
Loss of empathy is a common early symptom of specific forms of dementia, including the kind I think you have, which also included as earlier symptoms, poor judgment, loss of insight.
*********************************
how much of this improvement in empathy is due to the fact you are getting coffee every morning since we hired a personal care attendant? Or is it due to the stabilizing impact/ improvement in all aspects of your well-being due to having the perfect personal care attendant, who comes for only 2 hours/day?
My conclusion would be that 2 hours/day of kind focused support, starting in the morning, can make a huge difference in maintaining "independence", and regaining empathy (humanity), for a person with dementia (who would otherwise require assisted living or memory care, assuming they aren't wandering at night and they have sufficient mobility to not require more care)
For those seeking a cost-effective elder care solution, I can highly recommend this as the lst step. It takes the pressure off the family and keeps the person more "independent" of family as well. It is far less expensive than an assisted living facility or nursing home, and YOU are the boss.
there are 2 caveats:
1. we switch the appliance electricity on and off (discretely), so that you can't use the stove/ oven or microwave, unassisted.
2. I wouldn't have dared to hire an assistant (for fear of their safety) in the earlier years when you were more aggressively misbehaving. This is working now only due to your frailty and further memory loss. Take home message: timing is everything.
*********************************
To God be the Glory.
You are turning into a nice old man.
To God be the Glory.
The loss of empathy had been so apparent in the last 5+ years, I didn't expect to ever see it again. During that time, if I got sick, or if something bad happened to me, it didn't faze you. You offered no condolences, didn't follow up, didn't give back anything.
********************************************
Loss of empathy is a common early symptom of specific forms of dementia, including the kind I think you have, which also included as earlier symptoms, poor judgment, loss of insight.
*********************************
how much of this improvement in empathy is due to the fact you are getting coffee every morning since we hired a personal care attendant? Or is it due to the stabilizing impact/ improvement in all aspects of your well-being due to having the perfect personal care attendant, who comes for only 2 hours/day?
My conclusion would be that 2 hours/day of kind focused support, starting in the morning, can make a huge difference in maintaining "independence", and regaining empathy (humanity), for a person with dementia (who would otherwise require assisted living or memory care, assuming they aren't wandering at night and they have sufficient mobility to not require more care)
For those seeking a cost-effective elder care solution, I can highly recommend this as the lst step. It takes the pressure off the family and keeps the person more "independent" of family as well. It is far less expensive than an assisted living facility or nursing home, and YOU are the boss.
there are 2 caveats:
1. we switch the appliance electricity on and off (discretely), so that you can't use the stove/ oven or microwave, unassisted.
2. I wouldn't have dared to hire an assistant (for fear of their safety) in the earlier years when you were more aggressively misbehaving. This is working now only due to your frailty and further memory loss. Take home message: timing is everything.
*********************************
To God be the Glory.
Monday, February 2, 2015
I am smarter than you
A quote by me to you, circa January, 2010, when I didn't yet
quite understand what was going on with you:
"I am smarter than you, I am younger
than you, and I know how you think because what is in you is in me too.
You won't get away trying to outsmart me".
***************************************
I would never say that to you today.
There is no need to say anything like that today
****************************************
This was at the time you were changing
banks every few days, and traveling from Western Union to Moneygram, wiring
your money away forever, all under the direction of the internet scammers, who
had instructed you to keep the truth from your family (and when you saw me as the enemy instead of your only true friend and advocate).
see:
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2012/01/your-father-is-wiring-38k-to-africa.html
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2013/09/over-21k-lost-in-december.html
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/11/first-contact-with-scammer-peter.html
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2012/01/your-father-is-wiring-38k-to-africa.html
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2013/09/over-21k-lost-in-december.html
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/11/first-contact-with-scammer-peter.html
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/11/unclaimed-assets-avery-dion-patrick.html
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/11/john-england-david-donaldson-scam-2010.html
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/11/john-england-david-donaldson-scam-2010.html
************************************************
This was at a time when I literally sent a
letter to every bank in the 70 mile region, along with legal documents
permitting them to talk to me.
I did it to protect you. To protect
you from yourself, and from the evil influences that had penetrated your life.
https://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2017/10/example-letter-to-all-regional-banks.html **********************
I still have the phone numbers for the secret service, FBI, social services and way too many sheriff's offices.
https://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2017/10/example-letter-to-all-regional-banks.html **********************
I still have the phone numbers for the secret service, FBI, social services and way too many sheriff's offices.
A wanted felon is calling
February 2010
I see a note on your desk. It has a name on it, with a phone number.
I google the name.
It is a Most Wanted Felon from the state of Utah.
********************************************************
We eventually discover this is the source of the credit card fraud.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/07/lost-evidence-and-erosion-of-due-process.html
*****************************************************
Other notes that I find also link the same individual to activities I would classify as investment fraud.
************************************
Although I reported it all to police in 2 different states, and though the involved credit card companies spoke with me many times on the phone, I believe that justice and due process was never achieved.
************************************
The notes would suggest, and you also explain to me, that the felon presented himself as an expert in retrieving lost assets, lost through credit card fraud......
You believe that the felon is a legitimate business person who is going to help you retrieve lost assets.
Your hand written notes state the following:
Name of Felon , phone number of Felon
"Access to online accounts to be able to process disputes. You will need to activate and register the accounts online" (clearly he was writing down what someone was dictating to him)
The same note also appears to chronicle a series of credit card balance transfers:
10000 was processed by American Express
6880 was processed by Bank of America.
later, 10000 was moved to City Card to get free interest
How much of this was at the direction of the felon, and over what period of time did the interactions take place?
The credit card receipts show the purchase of many things, none by you, including
hotels
insurance
tires
clothing
*************************************
The fraudsters will assist the computer illiterate in signing up for online accounts access, which can then be more easily manipulated by the fraudsters.
At the time, I was in a battle of changing passwords and access, as I tried to shut down the accounts and gain control.
I see a note on your desk. It has a name on it, with a phone number.
I google the name.
It is a Most Wanted Felon from the state of Utah.
********************************************************
We eventually discover this is the source of the credit card fraud.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2014/07/lost-evidence-and-erosion-of-due-process.html
*****************************************************
Other notes that I find also link the same individual to activities I would classify as investment fraud.
************************************
Although I reported it all to police in 2 different states, and though the involved credit card companies spoke with me many times on the phone, I believe that justice and due process was never achieved.
************************************
The notes would suggest, and you also explain to me, that the felon presented himself as an expert in retrieving lost assets, lost through credit card fraud......
You believe that the felon is a legitimate business person who is going to help you retrieve lost assets.
Your hand written notes state the following:
Name of Felon , phone number of Felon
"Access to online accounts to be able to process disputes. You will need to activate and register the accounts online" (clearly he was writing down what someone was dictating to him)
The same note also appears to chronicle a series of credit card balance transfers:
10000 was processed by American Express
6880 was processed by Bank of America.
later, 10000 was moved to City Card to get free interest
How much of this was at the direction of the felon, and over what period of time did the interactions take place?
The credit card receipts show the purchase of many things, none by you, including
hotels
insurance
tires
clothing
*************************************
The fraudsters will assist the computer illiterate in signing up for online accounts access, which can then be more easily manipulated by the fraudsters.
At the time, I was in a battle of changing passwords and access, as I tried to shut down the accounts and gain control.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Thanksgiving arrest 2012
As I write this blog I now realize that you have been arrested more than once, in the days around Thanskgiving.
Is there something about the time of year?
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/arrest-as-route-to-hospitalization-2010.html
******************************************
About one week before Thanksgiving, without any notice, you depart from the senior condo and drive to the farm homestead town in rural Minnesota.
Your intention is to see the doctor there so they can give you back your drivers license.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/too-old-and-demented-to-drive.html
You are sure that they will give you anything you ask for.
I first learn of your trip when you call me from the garage, unable to get into the house, your house, the house you built. I talk you through the steps.
***************************************
The doctor calls me, informing me you gave him permission to call and get the history, since you are unable to provide your medical history or your med list. I say, "did you notice the dialysis fistula in his arm?", as well as other pertinent history.
I tell the doctor you don't have a valid drivers license, that you recently failed the driving test.
The doctor informs me that he must call the police (since it is obvious you drove to the appointment and you would be driving again as soon as you leave the appointment).
I don't know what happened after that -- nobody called me to inform me of anything.
************************************************
Its 3 days before Thanskgiving. You are still alone at the farm homestead. I call you around 7 PM only to learn that you are heading back home to the city condo tonight. However, you are sitting at the kitchen table of distant relatives, off the beaten path, a deviation from the usual route we take between locations. Its dark outside and you are in a strange place, driving without a license. I don't even like to drive in the dark and I am much younger than you.
I say, "try not to get killed or kill anyone tonight Dad", and we hang up.
Exhausted, I go to bed and sleep, not realizing that events continue to play out many miles away.
***************************
its 6:30 AM, 2 days before Thansgiving. The phone rings. Its my aunt, your sister in law. She tells me you are in Mankato - 90 miles away. You called her after you couldn't reach me.
*********************************************
The jitterbug cell phone has my home phone number keyed in as well as my cell phone, office, phone. Still, you couldn't reach me (purely due to your telephone incompetence). The staff at the Super 8 hotel helped you get through to my aunt.
********************************************
The police found you on highway 14, driving too slow. I am sure you were lost, having taken an alternate route, driving in the dark, at 10 PM. They next learned the drivers license wasn't valid. For the first time you now believe that you don't have a valid drivers license.
The police leave the car on the road and take you to the Super 8 hotel. What else would you do with an 81 year old guy who was driving 90 miles from home at 10 PM at night?
***********************
"come and get me", you say.
"I can't just drop everything and come and get you because you are driving without a license", I say. I have a job, a schedule I need to keep, people who are depending on me to be responsible.
I didn't pick you up until Thanksgiving morning.
On the way home you agreed to put the car away for the winter. Actually, you never drove again after this.
**********************
The stay at the Super 8 was actually like a little vacation, quite enjoyable. They had free coffee and donuts in the lobby.
.JPG)
The house-keeping staff entertained you. You could easily walk next door to the Happy Chef for meals.
Who would have thought getting arrested could be so fun?
Is there something about the time of year?
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/arrest-as-route-to-hospitalization-2010.html
******************************************
About one week before Thanksgiving, without any notice, you depart from the senior condo and drive to the farm homestead town in rural Minnesota.
Your intention is to see the doctor there so they can give you back your drivers license.
http://seniorfraud.blogspot.com/2015/02/too-old-and-demented-to-drive.html
You are sure that they will give you anything you ask for.
I first learn of your trip when you call me from the garage, unable to get into the house, your house, the house you built. I talk you through the steps.
***************************************
The doctor calls me, informing me you gave him permission to call and get the history, since you are unable to provide your medical history or your med list. I say, "did you notice the dialysis fistula in his arm?", as well as other pertinent history.
I tell the doctor you don't have a valid drivers license, that you recently failed the driving test.
The doctor informs me that he must call the police (since it is obvious you drove to the appointment and you would be driving again as soon as you leave the appointment).
I don't know what happened after that -- nobody called me to inform me of anything.
************************************************
Its 3 days before Thanskgiving. You are still alone at the farm homestead. I call you around 7 PM only to learn that you are heading back home to the city condo tonight. However, you are sitting at the kitchen table of distant relatives, off the beaten path, a deviation from the usual route we take between locations. Its dark outside and you are in a strange place, driving without a license. I don't even like to drive in the dark and I am much younger than you.
I say, "try not to get killed or kill anyone tonight Dad", and we hang up.
Exhausted, I go to bed and sleep, not realizing that events continue to play out many miles away.
***************************
its 6:30 AM, 2 days before Thansgiving. The phone rings. Its my aunt, your sister in law. She tells me you are in Mankato - 90 miles away. You called her after you couldn't reach me.
*********************************************
The jitterbug cell phone has my home phone number keyed in as well as my cell phone, office, phone. Still, you couldn't reach me (purely due to your telephone incompetence). The staff at the Super 8 hotel helped you get through to my aunt.
********************************************
The police found you on highway 14, driving too slow. I am sure you were lost, having taken an alternate route, driving in the dark, at 10 PM. They next learned the drivers license wasn't valid. For the first time you now believe that you don't have a valid drivers license.
The police leave the car on the road and take you to the Super 8 hotel. What else would you do with an 81 year old guy who was driving 90 miles from home at 10 PM at night?
***********************
"come and get me", you say.
"I can't just drop everything and come and get you because you are driving without a license", I say. I have a job, a schedule I need to keep, people who are depending on me to be responsible.
I didn't pick you up until Thanksgiving morning.
On the way home you agreed to put the car away for the winter. Actually, you never drove again after this.
**********************
The stay at the Super 8 was actually like a little vacation, quite enjoyable. They had free coffee and donuts in the lobby.
The house-keeping staff entertained you. You could easily walk next door to the Happy Chef for meals.
Who would have thought getting arrested could be so fun?
Too old and demented to drive?
Easter Sunday 2012 we present for emergency hospitalization. You are hypoxic, fluid overloaded, confused. Emergency dialysis is performed. It ends up as a 3 week hospitalization, with more than one call from the hospital staff, late at night, as your confusion creates problems controlling you in the hospital.
When you are discharged it is recommended that you not drive until there is a driving evaluation.
********************************************
For the 6 weeks that home care came it was easy to get you to agree that you were home-bound, and shouldn't be driving.
Around the 6 week mark I schedule the appointment for an expert driving evaluation, which you surprisingly agree to do. It is a 3-4 hour test, including testing on signs, vision, and actually driving. The recommendation is made that you NOT drive.
We are informed you are blind in one eye. We are informed that the driving instructor had to intervene, to avoid a collision, during the test drive phase of the test
You are so angry I thought you were going to hit the instructor. I quickly escort you out of the facility. Of course, I don't give you your keys back.
The primary care doctor and the state revoke the drivers license, on the basis of the drivers test.
***************************************************
What a surprise to realize you have made a charge at the local grocery store. How did you get there?
*************************
The Buxx card shows a charge to a locksmith. You hired a locksmith to break into your car, and make you new car keys.
I must complement you on your cunning. Of course, you were driving without a valid license.
******************************
You don't believe that the drivers license has been revoked. You blame me. You also blame the nephrologist (who had nothing to do with it)
When you are discharged it is recommended that you not drive until there is a driving evaluation.
********************************************
For the 6 weeks that home care came it was easy to get you to agree that you were home-bound, and shouldn't be driving.
Around the 6 week mark I schedule the appointment for an expert driving evaluation, which you surprisingly agree to do. It is a 3-4 hour test, including testing on signs, vision, and actually driving. The recommendation is made that you NOT drive.
We are informed you are blind in one eye. We are informed that the driving instructor had to intervene, to avoid a collision, during the test drive phase of the test
You are so angry I thought you were going to hit the instructor. I quickly escort you out of the facility. Of course, I don't give you your keys back.
The primary care doctor and the state revoke the drivers license, on the basis of the drivers test.
***************************************************
What a surprise to realize you have made a charge at the local grocery store. How did you get there?
*************************
The Buxx card shows a charge to a locksmith. You hired a locksmith to break into your car, and make you new car keys.
I must complement you on your cunning. Of course, you were driving without a valid license.
******************************
You don't believe that the drivers license has been revoked. You blame me. You also blame the nephrologist (who had nothing to do with it)
Arrest as a route to hospitalization, 2010
I have a deadline and not enough time to do the work.
It is the day after Thanksgiving, 2010.
You have made the 180 mile trek to my house and we had a nice holiday dinner yesterday. You are still driving at this time, and seemingly baseline, even though we had the incompetence related/ scam events in late 2009/early 2010. Still, I have changed the locks on my doors. You no longer have a key to my house - I can't trust who you are interacting with, who might manipulate you, and what risks that would give me.
I don't even know what happened that day, how our conversation suddenly deteriorated. I can't remember the details this many years later as I write this story. However, I remember that its as though you had a 2nd sense that I didn't have time to get into a hassle with you. And, you were looking for a fight.
We have been remodeling a condo for you nearby. You have the key to the new place, your future home. You are partly moved in there, in fact.
I don't have time to waste on a fight, especially not today.
I suggest that you should leave my house now, go back to your own place.
But you refuse. You continue to want to fight.
I ask you to leave, but you refuse, again and again.
Eventually, I call the police. It isn't the first time I have called the authorities about you. But it is the first time I have called the police in this location, my own home.
Soon they arrive, 2 officers, a man and a woman, in a squad car.
You tell them your complaint about me, the details which I can't remember anymore. Actually, I believe the complaint was that you had supported me through college and graduate education.
You now feel I need to pay you back , 25 years after the fact. Or, it was because you don't think that I repaid the loan on a piano I bought in 1980 (I think I did). I know you want the money to continue your delusional interactions with the scammers. It is hurtful to hear you harbor and express these negative feelings about me, related to events of my childhood.
I tell them that I had asked you to leave and that you refused. You continue to refuse.
The officers are respectful of the fact that I had asked you to go and you continue to not take it seriously. You continue to refuse to leave. Eventually they arrest you. They ask me what to do with you and I recommend theytake you to the hospital, to the hospital where I know there is psychiatry intake through the emergency room.
I sadly watch out the window.
I see my elderly father, between 2 police officers, walking to the police car. They place you inside the car, and they drive away.
*******************************
A while later the emergency room doctor calls me. She volunteers, "my mother has dementia too".
What a comfort those words were to me, that someone understood.
They keep you a few hours, but they don't have enough to hold you. Eventually they call me to come and get you.
*****************************
You are sitting in an exam room, in the Emergency room, unconcerned, as if you didn't just get escorted to the hospital by the police.
I help you check out, which includes a referral for outpatient psychiatry follow up.
We drive home in silence. As we get closer to my house, where your car is parked, I think to myself that I can't let you back in the house or the same thing is going to start up again. Its not really over.
I don't have time for this -- I have a deadline related to work, I really need to get back to work, and I can't afford more time to fight with you over nonsense.
How am I going to prevent the same thing from happening inside my house again?
I pull up in front of the house, and I tell you that I am going to drop you off, while I pull around to the back (the story doesn't even make sense to me today as I write this, I can't remember how I came up with a story to get you out of the car, thinking that things were normal).
I drive to the back , enter the back of the house, but I don't open the front door, and I don't let you back in.
You have your car keys, and a new condo to stay in , only a mile away. Its not like I am abandoning you on the street.
I can still remember how you POUNDED on the door, in a rage, once you realized I had tricked you ...... yes, it would have happened again had I let you back in.
But, eventually you go back home to your own place, and the event ends, never to recur.
********************************
Its hard to believe today, in 2015, that such terrible things happened back then in 2010. But it was all part of the process.
As we moved forward, as your mind got less clear, as you stepped lower in your brain functional abilities, we passed through phases.
At some point normal barriers and social restraints were lost.
Arrest is probably not an uncommon route to hospitalization for those in similar situations. Unfortunately, the system didn't easily accommodate to hold you there, or more importantly, to fix you. I now believe that it was impossible to fix you then. You were normal enough to be out there freely living in the world, and you were abnormal enough to get into lots of trouble.
Luckily, today the crazy mean and violent days seem to be gone forever, as you are now too forgetful to hold grudges, and you are too frail to be a physical threat.
It is the day after Thanksgiving, 2010.
You have made the 180 mile trek to my house and we had a nice holiday dinner yesterday. You are still driving at this time, and seemingly baseline, even though we had the incompetence related/ scam events in late 2009/early 2010. Still, I have changed the locks on my doors. You no longer have a key to my house - I can't trust who you are interacting with, who might manipulate you, and what risks that would give me.
I don't even know what happened that day, how our conversation suddenly deteriorated. I can't remember the details this many years later as I write this story. However, I remember that its as though you had a 2nd sense that I didn't have time to get into a hassle with you. And, you were looking for a fight.
We have been remodeling a condo for you nearby. You have the key to the new place, your future home. You are partly moved in there, in fact.
I don't have time to waste on a fight, especially not today.
I suggest that you should leave my house now, go back to your own place.
But you refuse. You continue to want to fight.
I ask you to leave, but you refuse, again and again.
Eventually, I call the police. It isn't the first time I have called the authorities about you. But it is the first time I have called the police in this location, my own home.
Soon they arrive, 2 officers, a man and a woman, in a squad car.
You tell them your complaint about me, the details which I can't remember anymore. Actually, I believe the complaint was that you had supported me through college and graduate education.
You now feel I need to pay you back , 25 years after the fact. Or, it was because you don't think that I repaid the loan on a piano I bought in 1980 (I think I did). I know you want the money to continue your delusional interactions with the scammers. It is hurtful to hear you harbor and express these negative feelings about me, related to events of my childhood.
I tell them that I had asked you to leave and that you refused. You continue to refuse.
The officers are respectful of the fact that I had asked you to go and you continue to not take it seriously. You continue to refuse to leave. Eventually they arrest you. They ask me what to do with you and I recommend theytake you to the hospital, to the hospital where I know there is psychiatry intake through the emergency room.
I sadly watch out the window.
I see my elderly father, between 2 police officers, walking to the police car. They place you inside the car, and they drive away.
*******************************
A while later the emergency room doctor calls me. She volunteers, "my mother has dementia too".
What a comfort those words were to me, that someone understood.
They keep you a few hours, but they don't have enough to hold you. Eventually they call me to come and get you.
*****************************
You are sitting in an exam room, in the Emergency room, unconcerned, as if you didn't just get escorted to the hospital by the police.
I help you check out, which includes a referral for outpatient psychiatry follow up.
We drive home in silence. As we get closer to my house, where your car is parked, I think to myself that I can't let you back in the house or the same thing is going to start up again. Its not really over.
I don't have time for this -- I have a deadline related to work, I really need to get back to work, and I can't afford more time to fight with you over nonsense.
How am I going to prevent the same thing from happening inside my house again?
I pull up in front of the house, and I tell you that I am going to drop you off, while I pull around to the back (the story doesn't even make sense to me today as I write this, I can't remember how I came up with a story to get you out of the car, thinking that things were normal).
I drive to the back , enter the back of the house, but I don't open the front door, and I don't let you back in.
You have your car keys, and a new condo to stay in , only a mile away. Its not like I am abandoning you on the street.
I can still remember how you POUNDED on the door, in a rage, once you realized I had tricked you ...... yes, it would have happened again had I let you back in.
But, eventually you go back home to your own place, and the event ends, never to recur.
********************************
Its hard to believe today, in 2015, that such terrible things happened back then in 2010. But it was all part of the process.
As we moved forward, as your mind got less clear, as you stepped lower in your brain functional abilities, we passed through phases.
At some point normal barriers and social restraints were lost.
Arrest is probably not an uncommon route to hospitalization for those in similar situations. Unfortunately, the system didn't easily accommodate to hold you there, or more importantly, to fix you. I now believe that it was impossible to fix you then. You were normal enough to be out there freely living in the world, and you were abnormal enough to get into lots of trouble.
Luckily, today the crazy mean and violent days seem to be gone forever, as you are now too forgetful to hold grudges, and you are too frail to be a physical threat.
Too frail now to be mean
circa 10/12/11
Its over just under 2 years since the Conservatorship started.
There are no credit cards in your name and there are multiple fraud protection alerts to prevent credit cards being opened in your name.
I stop by your place for something or other. In the course of our interaction I am in your office.
I notice the credit card statement on the desk.
What is this?
I have the paper in my hand. It appears to be a Discover Card Statement. (why wasn't I more discrete?)
You say, "Give me that paper".
I am not giving up the paper.
The situation quickly spins out of control.
I try to leave and you stand in front of the door, preventing my exit.
Yes, I could get out if I really wanted to -- I could push you aside hard, but I would never do that.
What if you fell, my 80 year old father?
I could call the police, but I am not really afraid. I have my cell phone in my hand.
I see a space, and make a quick dash for the door. I almost make it out, but you crush my body inside the door as you push it shut. I yell for help, a futile effort, into the empty hallway. My arm and hand are bruised in the process.
.jpg)
I call a friend who comes within minutes. He has to physically hold you back so I can escape.
******************************************************
Why did Discover give you a card when there was a fraud alert to prevent this?
A fraudulent charge to 5 Star Enterprises, for $221.23, another scam, to a fly by night Arizona based scam company, was made 3 days ago. This is a purchase for NOTHING that is concrete or real, another get rich quick scam.
You can't afford this.
I end up spending months to resolve the issue, ultimately needing the help of the Attorney General of my state.
********************************************************
I believe the fraudsters will assist the computer illiterate and financially incompetents to sign up for credit cards needed for illegal transactions to take place
**************************************
You are too frail now to do anything like the above vignette depicts.
However, dementia can bring out inappropriate behavior, including violence, in previously peaceful people.
***************************
I also learned a lesson on discretion. I don't tell you or ask you now when I find things that are off.
I just deal with them quietly.
Its over just under 2 years since the Conservatorship started.
There are no credit cards in your name and there are multiple fraud protection alerts to prevent credit cards being opened in your name.
I stop by your place for something or other. In the course of our interaction I am in your office.
I notice the credit card statement on the desk.
What is this?
I have the paper in my hand. It appears to be a Discover Card Statement. (why wasn't I more discrete?)
You say, "Give me that paper".
I am not giving up the paper.
The situation quickly spins out of control.
I try to leave and you stand in front of the door, preventing my exit.
Yes, I could get out if I really wanted to -- I could push you aside hard, but I would never do that.
What if you fell, my 80 year old father?
I could call the police, but I am not really afraid. I have my cell phone in my hand.
I see a space, and make a quick dash for the door. I almost make it out, but you crush my body inside the door as you push it shut. I yell for help, a futile effort, into the empty hallway. My arm and hand are bruised in the process.
I call a friend who comes within minutes. He has to physically hold you back so I can escape.
******************************************************
Why did Discover give you a card when there was a fraud alert to prevent this?
A fraudulent charge to 5 Star Enterprises, for $221.23, another scam, to a fly by night Arizona based scam company, was made 3 days ago. This is a purchase for NOTHING that is concrete or real, another get rich quick scam.
You can't afford this.
I end up spending months to resolve the issue, ultimately needing the help of the Attorney General of my state.
********************************************************
I believe the fraudsters will assist the computer illiterate and financially incompetents to sign up for credit cards needed for illegal transactions to take place
**************************************
You are too frail now to do anything like the above vignette depicts.
However, dementia can bring out inappropriate behavior, including violence, in previously peaceful people.
***************************
I also learned a lesson on discretion. I don't tell you or ask you now when I find things that are off.
I just deal with them quietly.
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