The Golden Girls

There is a channel on the TV (channel 43, TVLand) that mainly  plays old re-runs, many from the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s.  Often, the same series plays consecutive shows back to back over the course of many hours in the day.  This is your favorite channel.  We always turn the channel back to 43 when we leave, if we have turned it to another channel while visiting.  Other stations, like the NEWS, are too traumatic, especially if they play all day (and you have trouble changing the channel on your own).
It is comfortable /familiar to watch the old shows, The Beverly Hillbillies, Andy Griffith, Gilligan's Island.  On Sundays Roseann is on much of the day.

The Golden Girls are on when I arrive at your place today.

"You should have seen Roseann and her husband today.  It was so funny, I laughed so hard", you tell me.

Dorothy and the girls are now sitting at their kitchen table, talking, as they do, on the Golden Girls. We turn our attention toward the TV.

"How do they do that?", you ask.  "Didn't the grandma die years ago?"  You are referring to Estelle Getty, who plays Sophia, Dorothy's mother.

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It is apparent you no longer understand that the TV show is a re-run from the distant past.

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It reminds me of last summer when you didn't seem to understand there was a schedule for the TV shows, that only certain shows were on at certain times.

dark at noon

You slept in until 2 PM today, only getting up at my urging.  At 7:30 PM I present to give you dinner.

"Its almost noon and its still dark outside", you say.


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Its December 14.  The days are getting shorter.  December 21 is the shortest day of the year. It will get dark earlier and earlier until December 21.

"was it this dark last year?"

The Suit

Today you put on your good pants, a sport jacket and a tie, appearing fully dressed at 3:45 AM after only 5 hours of sleep.
Last night on your own you took a shower, an amazing feat for someone usually averse to any and all personal hygiene.  In fact, just getting you to change socks, or into a different shirt has been a struggle for months.
Is it because of the Christmas party announcement, for the party you missed yesterday?
Or did you think you are going someplace else today?
Where are you hoping to go today?

It stirs in me both a deep sadness and a deep hope, to watch you wait, and to dress up for the party........waiting.

what are we all really waiting for anyway?  what are you waiting for?
More and more I believe you are waiting to leave this earth - to be again with those you have loved the most, not with me here and now.

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, and redemption of our bodies.". Romans 8: 22-23.

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I think one of those talking clocks, like they make for the blind, with announcements of the time every hour, might be a good thing for you.  Why didn't I think of this before?

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you wait all day, expecting something, looking so nice and clean in your good pants, nice shirt, and tie. What is it you were expecting today? Was it the party you missed yesterday? Was it a dream with expectations, hopes to meet a long lost friend, or perhaps to again see your wife?  12+ hours later, at 4:40 PM, you get up, and leave the room, re-emerging after 5 PM, wearing jeans.

I call en route.  "How was your day today?" I ask.
"Fine.  I am wearing jeans again." you tell me, without any further explanation.
When I arrive I find you in jeans.  
You never let on that you were dressed up all day today, seemingly waiting for something important. 
You never tell me what you were waiting for.

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"Do you ever get bored? ", I ask.

There is a long pause.  

"No", you answer. 

many calls this morning

I call you at 7 AM.  No answer.  Sleeping in, I think.
Later, I discover you are awake at 7:40 AM.  We talk on the phone, you say you do want to go to church today.
"Then I will be there to pick you up at 8 AM", I say. "That is in 15 minutes".  "Are you going to be ready?"
"Yes", you say.
I call you en route - "I am on my way" .
But, when I arrive, you are not at the door.  I wait, and then  look in through the nanny camera.
You are still  sitting in your chair.
I call again, "I am here, are you coming?".
"yes I will be right there".  I watch you slowly get out of the chair, slowly exit the apartment, then return.  You must have forgotten something.  You go back down the hallway, re-emerge, and again leave. It takes longer than expected before I see you at the building's front door.
You slowly, so slowly, amble down the sidewalk, with your arms clasped behind your back, like we might see a child do.  No rush, no worries that we are late.

You seem more confused than usual today, but quite happy, smiling, content.



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"I must have had 10 calls this morning", you later tell me.
"Oh really? Who called?"
"Contractors.", you tell me.
"What kind of contractors?", I ask.
"Building contractors, looking for jobs, checking on the building".

"Is there a leak here?" you mimic.